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Aveam de toate: masini bune cu care cutreieram lumea, femei frumoase cu care ma simteam bine, foarte multi prieteni si un cont mare in banca. - Spuneti-mi, va rog, ce statiuni balneare sunt acolo? He's miserable because they cloud his thinking, he's lost several jobs, he's divorced - he's on the verge of suicide.

Toti asteptau in liniste si deodata batranul se trezeste si spune:-Trebuie sa va spun un secret mare! "Don't be silly," he replied, "if you wore size 32 briefs they'd crush your testicles into the base of your spine and you'd have massive migraines."A man goes to the doctor with chronic migraines.

Chimistul combină nişte substanţe prelevate din găini, dar nici el nu ajunge la vreun rezultat.Încearcă şi fizicianul. Ea a omorat 70 dintre ei cu mitraliera pana s-au terminat gloantele. Pe ultimii 10 i-a omorat cu mainile goale.- Dumnezeule mare, spune profesoara ingrozita, si care ti-a zis tatal tau ca este morala? Uite un Opel, sa mergi cu el prin Rai.- Eu de vreo 10 ori in 20 ani de casnicie, raspunde ultimul.- Aoleu, ce rau ai fost. Dupa ceva timp, se intilnesc cel cu Loganul si cel cu Mercedesul la un stop. A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, I can fart the star spangled banner in any key you want, for a drink. He gets red faced and then shits all over the bar and the floor. As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies" and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.37. she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.41. when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.43. Primul tip, terminand ce avea de facut, la iesirea din wc stinge lumina, moment in care se aude un urlet infiorator.

Biologul se uită un pic la ele, le ia nişte probe de ţesuturi, dar nu reuşeşte să rezolve problema. A trebuit sa aterizeze fortat pe teritoriul inamic si tot ce avea la ea era o sticla de palinca,o pusca si o sabie.- Continua, spune profesoara intrigata.- Matusa Ana a baut toata palinca pentru a se pregati..a aterizat in mijlocul a 100 de soldati inamici. - Eu niciodata in 30 de ani de casnicie, raspunde primul.- Foarte bine, uite ai aici un Mercedes, sa te plimbi prin Rai.- Eu o singura data in 40 de ani de casnicie, spune al doilea.- Nu e chiar atit de grav, se iarta.. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, a washing machine, and the Eiffel Tower! Ok, So the drunk makes two people move from their stools and gets up on the bar, drops his pants around his ankles and bends over. The drunk goes, gimme a break, even the great Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he performed! when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.30. when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.32. when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.34. when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.36. when she gets on the scale, it says “To be continued.”40. Un tip intra intr-un wc public…in cabina alturata un alt tip constipat, se forteaza destul de zgomotos.

Dupa 3 zile, omu` e enervat la culme si se duce la scaraoschi si ii cere sa il treaca la iad studentesc pentru ca el nu mai suporta. O luna de zile numa` chefuri zi si noapte, dracu` nu mai venea. După ce a încercat metodele convenţionale, a chemat un biolog, un chimist şi un fizician ca să afle ce au. Martorul: Onorata Curte, cred ca am nevoie de un alt avocat. Avocatul: Cum s-a incheiat primul dumneavoastra mariaj? Matusa Ana era inginer de aviatie in razboi iar avionul ei a fost lovit. Petru ii intreaba:- De cite ori v-ati inselat nevestele? The crook got away, but Picasso gave police a sketch of him.

Un reporter intreaba o actrita celebra:- Acum, dupa o viata de glorie cinemaografica, ce credeti, cine sunt mai destepti: barbatii sau femeile? If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? - Trojan viruses Intr-un sat unguresc din Ardeal locuia un fotograf român care facea poze si portrete, dar cam nereusite, pentru ca ba ieseau de la jumatate in jos, ba cu ochii rosii, ba cine stie cum... " A mother mouse and her three children were feasting in the kitchen when she saw the cat slinking towards them, blocking their path to their mouse hole. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”6. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you? “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’”“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”“Is it common? Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.12. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)… Dis-de-dimineata, inainte de a pleca la serviciu, italianul le da celor 3 instructiunile:-Aveti aici 3 galeti de vopsea care va vor ajunde sa vopsiti tot gardul. Nu dupa mult timp, unul din ei zice:-Ma, mie mi-a venit foame, hai sa vedem ce are asta de mancare! Dupa un ospat pe cinste, romanii cauta si ceva de baut, dar nu gasesc decat apa si suc. La un moment dat, vazand ca se apropie de oras, isi face curaj si sare din masina.

- Domnule reporter, ai vazut dumneata vreodata vreo femeie alergand dupa un barbat prost numai pentru ca are picioare frumoase?? (and say it isn't so...) : DUn reporter intreaba o actrita celebra:- Acum, dupa o viata de glorie cinemaografica, ce credeti, cine sunt mai destepti: barbatii sau femeile? Mother Mouse took a deep breath and, in a loud deep voice, said, "Woof! Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.“It’s true; no bull! A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. ” The doctor replied, “I know, I amputated your arms! a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.20. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.21. In bucatarie e mancare, cand o sa va vina foame, va puteti servi. Ati vazut calul pe care il tin inchis in spatele curtii? Atunci, unul dintre ei zice:-Ma, stiu eu cum sa facem rost de bautura. Intra in primul bar care ai iese in cale si, ud si inspaimantat, cere 2 pahare de vodca si incepe sa le povesteasca celor din bar experienta groaznica prin care a trecut.

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